(Side note: Part of my work responsibilities require me to have a Twitter presence, though, thank God, only as a non-personal corporate entity of sorts. But, as a result, I know too much about Twitter. And by "too much," I mean "something.")
Anyway, since I love me some Apple as much as the next sane modern computer user, I began to wonder what cat names are in the cards for Mac's remaining OS X generations, 10.7, 10.8 and 10.9. We've already gone through some biggies, after all: Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger and, currently, Leopard. Here are my predictions for future installments in everyone's favorite OS, in no particular order:
Lion: This will obviously be 10.9, king of the OS X pack. Described by Apple aficionados as being "The Best," and by Windows users as being "Terrifyingly User-Friendly" and having "Really Scary Teeth." With notable customized variations:
Nittany Lion: Only available to Penn State University students and alumni. Default desktop image of Joe Paterno.
Mountain Lion: Allows your computer to double as a still; comes with recipe for Apple's Homemade Moonshine.
Cougar: For older, but still physically attractive, women; with an interactive component that randomly generates compliments on one's physical appearance and a built-in widget of listings for local plastic surgeons. Or, conversely, for young, gold digging men; with various built-in applications that automatically spend money and set up personal profiles in search of young, attractive mistresses on Internet dating sites.
Smilodon: (Also: "Sabre-Toothed Tiger") Novelty OS with special themed apps and widgets. Upon installation, replaces any preexisting Adobe Creative Suite Package with "Cave Painting," any downloaded or factory installed games with "Inventing the Wheel," and Microsoft Word with "Emphatic Grunts and Pantomime."
Domestic: (Also: "House Cat") For agoraphobes or social pariahs. Can be installed in multiples to give a "multi-screen" effect on a single monitor, popularly to watch multiple YouTube videos of adorable animals and/or stupid human tricks at once. Used to combat feelings of loneliness and to simulate any sort of connection to the outside world.
Fisher: (Also: "Fisher Cat," New England only) An application created by Windows, purportedly to allow a Windows user to install & run an Apple OS on their desktop, as Apple users are able to do with Windows when (God forbid) necessary. However, the application instead downloads a virulent phishing virus used to obtain sensitive personal information from the offending parties as a punishment for trying to use an Apple OS.
If any or all of these predictions come true, you heard it here first. I could take or leave any of them, really, but Mountain Lion might be fun to bring out at parties.
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